Friday, June 29, 2012

The Goodbye

No matter how many times I have to say goodbye to my kids, it never gets easier.

It's been over three years since I started saying "goodbye" to them every week.  Having six kids can be crazy.  There are days that you want to pull your hair out and days that you count the minutes until bedtime.  Sometimes I even look forward to Monday b/c that means it will be just me and Brian.

The funny thing is that every time Monday rolls around I start to feel sad and instead of counting the minutes until bedtime I start counting the days until I will see them again.  I start missing them the minute they walk out the door.

This morning I drove Hannah and Hudson to Kenneth's house to drop them off for an 11 day vacation.  I found myself driving slowly so I could make sure to tell them to have a great trip, remind them that I love them, and that we will see each other again very soon.  I gave them a big "it's a happy day" smile and then got in my car and started to cry. 

I remember telling myself three years ago that some day this would get easier.  The kids would get used to this and it would be ok.  The truth is, it never gets easier.  Parents weren't meant to say goodbye to their kids on a weekly basis.  Kids weren't meant to live in two houses.  I want them to live with me all the time.  I don't want them to go on vacation without me.  Goodbye just keeps getting harder. 

I am incredibly blessed, don't get me wrong, I have an amazing husband to share my life with and six beautiful children.  Every day I spend with them I fall more and more in love with them and this life God gave me.  That's the thing, the more I fall in love with this sweet family of mine the harder it is to be without them.

They love this family too.  It's hard for me to watch them say goodbye to each other.  This morning Leo gave Hudson a great big hug and told him he would "miss him so much".  On the way home Leo said  "I wish we could all be together all the time".  I replied "Me too buddy, Me too".  They are best friends.  One set of kids goes one way and the other set goes the other.  They give hugs and kisses, goodbyes and I love you's, and we drop them off.  We then come home to an empty house (which is what I want sometimes) and then it sets in - This house is too empty, too quiet, too clean - Bring back the noise, the mess, and the crazy life I love!!!!

I am thankful that I have Brian.  He makes the days without the kids easier.  I love him so much.  He is such a blessing to me and I don't think I will ever be able to thank God enough for such an unexpected gift.  He encourages me, lifts me up, and makes me laugh.  He has so much grace with me.  He is my best friend. 

Ok now I have to pick myself up, say goodbye to Brian (b/c he has to go to work), and prepare for total silence. . . . . .ok enough silence :)  Time to turn some worship music on and get this house clean - lol. 

Thanks for following my journey :)