Perspective

This song is playing in the background as I write.  Music is powerful.  Feel free to listen along as you read :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQpA2Esr7PA (Hopefully the link works, you may have to copy and paste the link - Mandi Mapes - "Where you are").

Perspective - a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view

Today I realized that I needed a change in perspective.  I have felt a little overwhelmed, a bit selfish, and have fallen into looking at my life as half empty instead of half full.  It feels terrible to admit such a thing bc I have so much to be thankful for.

God has pressed on my heart today that I need to change my attitude and start looking at things with a new lens.  The lens He has given me.  

In my heart I complain about the amount of laundry I have to do and then I see a blog post from a mom that just lost her 5 year old boy to cancer.  She would give anything to do his laundry just one more time.  Piles of laundry means that I have healthy and active kids.  Dirty clothes means a day well spent.  A day riding bikes, picking flowers, playing basketball, eating ice-cream, and enjoying life.  Lord please help me as I do the laundry to have an attitude that feels blessed to have six healthy children.  It is a privilege to serve my family in this way. 

In my heart I grumble when my husband is late coming home from work.  Then I see a post about a husband that is home bc he has lost his job.  A husband in the Army that is gone for 9 months.  A post from a single mom that is doing everything on her own (I was there at one time).  My husband being late means that he is working hard to provide for a family of eight.  He is paying the bills and allowing me to be at home with our kids.  He doesn't want to be late.  He wants to be home too.  The pressures of work and providing means he may be late on occasion.  Lord, help me to thank my husband for the way he provides for our family.  Help me to be the first to welcome him home, to wrap my arms around his neck, and make his return home a happy one.  When I feel stressed bc he is late help me to remember in that moment how hard he works for our family and how blessed I am to have this life with him.

In my heart I get frustrated with the noise level, the mess, the constant scream of "Mommy!!!!".  Then I see an email from a friend.  She has just been diagnosed with cancer.  Unsure of how much time she has left.  She wants all the noise she can soak in.  She begs God to give her more time to hear the words "Mommy!!" and suddenly the mess is beautiful.  She sees the life lived around her as beautiful.  Lord, when I see a mess in the house remind me that I am healthy and able to clean it up.  Remind me that it means I have kids that are loving life and living it to the fullest.  Help me to hear the noise and cherish it.  One day the noise will be gone and I will long for it.  

In my heart I think that six kids can be too much.  Some days I think about how much I could love just one kid.  I could give them all my attention, they would be dressed perfectly, clean as a whistle, and eat beautiful meals every night.  I could talk to them for hours and give them all my attention.  Then I am reminded of friends that only have one child because they weren't able to have more than one.  They long for what I have.  I then think of each of my kids and how each one makes this family whole.  They each have beautiful amazing personalities and taking even one of those personalities out of the mix would mess the whole thing up.  They may not get all of my attention but they have all of my heart.  They may not eat amazing meals (with six kids we eat a lot of tacos, spaghetti, hot dogs, and other things that can be made in mass) but we are eating together and the kids don't care.  I have given up trying to dress them in cute outfits.  Jeans is dressing up these days.  The boys live in basketball shorts and t-shirts.  Some of the time I comb their hair and some of the time they just go as they are.  Some days they get a bath - some days they don't.  Lord, when I feel overwhelmed with six kids remind me that they don't care about gourmet meals, being clean, having their hair combed, or wearing fancy clothes.  Remind me that I used to do these things to make other people happy.  Encourage me to embrace eating hot dogs and hugging dirty kids.  Help me to see basketball shorts as cool and baths every day as over rated.  Remind me that the kids just want my love and attention and a little goes a long way.  

In my heart I hate dealing with ex-spouses, split families, and all that goes along with divorce.  Some days I want it to just be me, Brian and the kids.  God, when I start to feel sorry for myself bc of the pains that come along with a split family remind me of all the blessings that came because of it.  Not because you wanted divorce but because you loved me enough to bless me through it.  Remind me that you blessed me with a wonderful husband and four boys that I love dearly.  Remind me of how far we have come with our exes.  Help me to embrace the time that Brian and I have alone and not to feel guilty that I am missing part of their lives (remind me this is out of my control).  Help me to pour out love to our ex spouses and to always remember that they are your children too.  This isn't all about me.  Help me to be gracious and kind.  Help my thoughts be positive and give me the strength to fight off complaining and frustration in my mind.  Most of all remind me of the grace you have shown me throughout this process.  Love is key.

In my heart I am not enough.  I tell myself that I am not enough.  I don't clean my house good enough, I don't spend enough time with my kids, I am not organized enough, I don't take care of my husband the way I should, I don't make enough time to read my bible, I can't get everything done the way I feel I should.  Lord, when I feel overwhelmed and feel I am failing remind me that I am enough.  You have given me everything I need to get through each day.  Gently remind me to stop putting things on myself that have not been given to me.  Help me to be content with the person you have created me to be.  Remind me that I don't need to do it all and that most things can wait.  Help me to enjoy life and not get caught up in "to-do" lists.  Especially remind me that my family feels loved when I am happy and content not when I am stressed about not getting everything done.

Lord please change my perspective.  Give me the strength and faith to see past the things of this world.  Help me to see my life as beautiful.  My story is absolutely beautiful.  Every broken part of my life fits right into your finished puzzle of grace.  You round out the rough edges and fit every piece together.  The pieces alone can look out of place, rough, and incomplete but with your hand of grace on my life every piece fits perfectly together to make a beautiful and completed masterpiece.

Don't let me take one more day for granted.  Help me soak up the sun, allow myself to get dirty, and help me to see imperfect people as perfect in your eyes.  Lord, give me the strength to stand out from the rest, give up on being the perfect mom and wife, and allow myself to be perfectly yours.  In being perfectly yours I will be the perfect mom and wife for my family.  Not in the way the world measures but in the way that you measure.  

Thank you God for slowly changing my perspective.  I love you!!!

17 Now, the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom. 18 And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more.  ~2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Broken to Beautiful

"A song can rise from the ashes of a broken life"

I don't blog much anymore.  Maybe because my life is full.  Maybe because my heart has made the jump from the pain of a broken life to the joy and song of a life re-written by God.

Not too long ago I was in the struggle of my life.  Things I held dear were torn apart and the life I dreamt of came to a crashing halt.  I am writing this to those of you that are struggling right now.  I am writing to tell you not to lose hope.  Remember that God still has a plan for your life and that His plan is for good and not harm.  He loves you.

There were nights and days that I just wept.  I felt alone.  I wondered if I would ever feel whole, happy, and in love with God again.  I struggled to smile.  I played the part for my kids but inside I was crushed and felt defeated.  I struggled with bitterness, resentment, and anger.  How could this happen to a Christian marriage?  I didn't plan on this.  I wanted God to fix it.  I wanted things to be set right.  Watching my kids go through the pain of it was even more devastating.

At some point I finally surrendered.  I got on the floor one morning and laid face down.  I turned on a Christian song and said to God "I don't know what to pray for and I don't know what you want for my life.  All I have is this moment of silence with you."  In that silence, during a three minute song, God reached in and scooped me up.  He had been waiting for me to surrender.  I wasn't completely surrendered at that moment but my heart felt something for the first time in months.  I felt pain but I felt something and that was more than I had allowed myself to feel for quite some time.

I picked up my Bible.  I read a short bit.  It gave me a small glimpse of hope.  I committed to doing this daily (laying on the floor, listening to that song without asking for anything or thinking a word, and then reading a small bit of scripture).  In time, I realized that God still had a plan for my life.  I just had to trust Him. 

Over the next year little by little I noticed that my resentment was fading, I wasn't feeling sorry for myself anymore (well not as much), and I was embracing my time with God.  God started pointing me outward. I started to see other people and the pain they were experiencing.  I started to focus on other's more than myself.  I found myself completely in love with God again (I was so worried I would never feel this way again).  I still had times where I felt the world crashing in around me or felt sad but I was being renewed from the inside out.

I decided my life with God and my kids was worth the fight.  We would take this thing head on.  I started memorizing scripture and using it against my negative thoughts.  I failed at times but I was getting better.

I purposed myself to live for God.  No matter what.  At some point I realized I was going to have a great life.  As long as God was center then I would be happy.  I wanted redemption to win.  In the end it did.

No matter how the story went from that point on it was going to be a win.  Meeting Brian was icing on the cake.  Don't mistake me though.  It was not the cake.  The cake was God, His love for me, and his ability to create a beautiful song out the ashes of a broken life.  My heart was in this for God and He was and is my first love.  The icing (Brian and the boys) made my life that much sweeter but they couldn't take the place of God.

Whatever it is that you are struggling with take heart.  I know it's hard and you feel worn out.  You have made mistakes and you feel crushed by the weight of the world.   You want to feel whole again and happy.  You want to have something to smile about.  You may have nothing to give right now.  It may be hard to even lift your hands in prayer.  Give what you have, however little that might be.  God is in the business of building beautiful things from ashes.  He will fight for you if you will let Him.  Don't lose hope.  You will come out of this stronger and more beautiful than you can imagine.  You will love people in a way you never could have before.  Most importantly you will have a deeper relationship with your heavenly Father.  The parts dead in you will be reborn. 

I love you!!  Don't lose hope :)

Mother's Day thoughts

I was thinking about Mother's Day today.  Thinking on how blessed I feel to be a mother of six.

I have always wanted to be a mom.  From the time I was a little girl I always loved kids, loved babysitting, and loved holding little ones in my arms.  There was never a doubt in my mind that I would be a mother someday.

There have been many challenges along the way and if you know my story you know that there has been brokenness along the way.  The one thing that got me through some very tough days, besides God, was my kids.  I could never put into words the emotions I felt the first time I held my babies for the first time.  I will also never forget the day I said "I do" to Brian and looked four little boys in the eyes and promised to love them forever as I welcomed them into my heart and life.

Motherhood is full of ups and downs.  Wondering if you are doing things right.  Asking yourself if you were too hard on them, too easy on them, loving enough, kind enough, stern enough, etc...  Will they be strong enough to stand up under peer pressure, loving enough to ask a loner to join in at the playground, and confident enough to love the person God created them to be.  My job is to nurture, correct, love, and point in the right direction.  I often times want to protect them for the world instead of prepare them for it.  God has shown me that this will not raise confident kids but dependent ones.  Oh the letting go . . . .

On this Mother's Day I wanted to write and tell my kids how much I love them, what I hope for their future, and how blessed I feel to be their mom.

To my six kids,

I hope you know how much I love you.  You fill my heart to overflowing with your amazing smiles, sweet laughter, and unique personalities.  I treasure up each memory we have made together.  Sand castles on the beach, board games at home, bike rides, road trips, school plays, choir concerts, bedtime prayers, dinner around the table, and everything in-between.

I pray that you will love others, love God, and love yourself (just the way God created you to be).  I pray that you will look for the positive in all situations and learn to forgive and grant grace to those around you.  I pray that you will follow the dreams God has placed on your heart.  We believe in you.  You can do anything you set your mind/heart to. 

Remember that you can have everything and yet have nothing if you don't have love.  The world will not always be fair.  It will promise you things that it can't deliver on.  You will have moments of brokenness, broken hearts, broken promises, and trouble that you did not count on.  In those times, remember that it is in difficult times that we are tested, refined, and made new.  Those are the times that draw us near to God and grow in us a sense of compassion for others, the ability to cherish the simple things in life, and ultimately map out the course of our life.  Trust me, it is when things seem the darkest that God is doing His greatest work in you.

I pray that you learn to love life.  Embrace it.  Smile.  Bless others.  Forgive.  Be kind when others are not.  Love those that are difficult to love.  Always remember that Dad and I love you and are on your side!!

Boys,  I pray that you marry a woman that loves God and loves you.  I pray that you will lead your family spiritually and financially.  Your wife will need a strong man to lead her.  Be compassionate, gentle, loving, and kind.  Remember to tell her you love her every day.  You won't be perfect.  Learn to forgive yourself and learn to say you are sorry :)  (As you get older their will be much more to talk about but for now let's leave it at that :) .

Hannah,  I pray that you will learn to love God and treasure Him.  I pray that you will one day meet a man that also loves the Lord and cherishes you.  I hope to raise you to learn to put others before yourself.  To be your husband's biggest cheerleader.  I pray you will make a home that he can't wait to come home to.  Be patient, loving, and understanding.  Learn to say your are sorry and allow him to be imperfect (bc only God is perfect).  Just like the boys I will have more to say as you get older but this will do for now.

I thank God for you my little ones (although Logan just measured a tad taller than me!!!)  I hope to walk this life out with you.  I look forward to all the fun we will have in the future.  I am one blessed mom to have you in my life.  I love you to the moon and back!!!

Love,  Mom :)  XOXOXOXOXO  

A world that is broken

It's funny how I am moved to write.  It's the way I let it out, cry it out, and shout it out to a world that is broken.  It's the way I try to make sense of things that don't make sense and call out to a God that I know is always listening. 

My heart was broken this weekend.  Thinking on all that isn't right in this world.  Friends facing divorce, innocent kids losing their lives, a friend that is mourning the anniversary of the death of her 5 year old boy, my own kids and the trials they face due to divorce.  Everywhere I look people are suffering.  I had lunch with a mom that is recovering from divorce, drugs, alcohol, and chaos.  She is trying to put the pieces back together but they keep crumbling around her.  Another dear friend was homeless only two short years ago and living in a woods.  She was nine months pregnant and my heart ached for her and the road she was on.  Every day I hear of another marriage in trouble.  Men and women deciding to leave their families and their precious kids to be with another.  I see kids at the schools that get picked on, teased, and sit alone at recess.  Another friend lost his wife to cancer 15 months ago.  He has a five year old daughter and is left to put the pieces back together.  He's not happy with God. 

I've had my own share of heartache.  I have felt crushed, worn out, tired, and alone.  I know what it feels like to have something ripped out of your hands.  I have seen my kids shed tears and ask questions of "why?" and "how come?".  Hudson and Leo don't even remember the previous life (the one with their mom and dad in it).  They shuffle back and forth.  Two homes, two different set's of rules, different people, etc... I am missing half of my kids lives.  That's a tough reality.  I won't be with them on Christmas or New Year's because it's not my year.  I didn't ask for this, it was chosen for me.

My heart is heavy and at times I feel down.  It's hard to live in the "now" and yet not forget the "then".  I am so thankful for the life I have with Brian and the four boys that have stolen my heart.  I realize that this blessing came at a price.  We both lost something dear to us.  Our kids lost something dear to them as well.  Divorce stinks, death seems unfair, and the heartache that comes with pain is sometimes too much to bear.

Then God calls out to me.  He says "Loree I am here"  "I am crying too"  "I am saddened by the choices my people have made"  "I love you".  He reminds me that He is here.  He is not leaving.  He cares about every single suffering person.  He loves them no matter who they are, what they believe, and what they have done.  He holds each one in his heart.  He will keep calling out no matter how many times they say "Where are you God" or "How could you let this happen".  He doesn't cause the pain, this is not His plan.  He does promise that He will put the broken pieces back together if we are willing.

My friend that lost her son, She has two beautiful kids that don't take life for granted.  They have pushed forward.  They will never forget their sweet boy but they have been surrounded by people that love them more than words.  Divorce stinks but I have seen God use it to break people down and show them a greater love than they ever imagined.  A love that I experienced.  A love for my Saviour that I never had before.  He is my everything.  Would that ring true if my life was full of rainbows and roses?  My friend that was homeless now has a home :)  and a job, and a beautiful two year old girl, and she is in school!!!  I am so proud of her and the person she has become.  She is one of the best moms I know (not because of money or things but because she has a great big loving heart).  Our friend that lost his wife is hurting but I see that he misses God and he can't bear the thought of listening to worship music b/c he knows he will break down.  I see God moving in his life.  He is coming out of this.  I see it.  I know God has a plan for him and it's for good and not harm.  My kids . . . well I am taking it one day at a time.  I have learned to trust God with their care and to realize that He is the only one that is with them all the time.  My life was broken (and some parts of it always will be) but I have been given an amazing husband and four amazing boys that I never would have known without brokenness.  I don't take family for granted.  It's a gift.  I have been entrusted with this amazing gift.  Oh Lord thank you for giving me this beautiful broken life. 

You know what?  Today I went to a play with Hannah and Angela (Ken's girlfriend).  Last month I packed boxes at Jessica's (Brian's ex) apartment and helped her move.  God has given me a heart of forgiveness, compassion, and a desire to see peace and restoration to this broken picture.  I want my heart to be full of love.  I don't want to waste my time on petty things that don't matter in the reality of heaven.  I want Jessica and Ken and Angela and all of us to be in heaven one day.  I want us to rejoice over what God has done in our lives.  The past is gone.  Whatever they did to hurt us - Forgiven.  Whatever we did that hurt others - Forgiven.  It's all covered by the One that loved us so much that He took our place on the cross. 

I may not understand it all.  I don't claim to have the answers to life's hurts and tragedies.  I do know with all of my heart that there is a God and that He loves us.  He is not the author of sickness, divorce, pain, hunger, or death.  He did not cause this.  People, broken and lost, have caused this.  One day God will make everything whole again and the world as we know it will be no longer.  He will redeem all things.  He will restore the brokenness and we will have rest.  We will rejoice and sing at the top of our lungs.  This is not the end.  The final chapter has not come.  Even though we are weak, He is strong.  Although we are burdened, He promises rest.  Although we are broken, He is working to put the pieces back together.  When we have lost our will to fight, He steps in and wins the battle. 

I am thankful for a hope that goes beyond this life and for a peace that passes all understanding.

Love deeply, hold on to the things that matter, and trust in a God that loves you more than you know.

Loree













Loree

Love makes the world go round :)

 

Love really does make the world go round.  Loving people can be easy but it can also be really hard.  The bible tells us "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them."  Hmmm, so we aren't just called to love those who love us?

It's easy for me to love people that show love to me.  God keeps giving me opportunities though to love people who don't love me.  I know in my heart that these people are broken.  They have deep rooted hurts.  Maybe they don't even love themselves.  What they need is for me to love them. 

Have you read the bible verse that says “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Romans 12:20.  It's funny that people (including me at times) have used this verse out of context.  We like the idea of putting burning coals on the head of someone that has hurt us or has rejected us or just isn't nice to us.  When I studied up on this verse I learned that ancient armies used burning coals against their enemies.  You can only stand up under hot coals for so long before you retreat.  Love is like this.  The more love we throw at someone the harder it is for them to hate us or even be unkind to us. 

Through deeds of love shown to those who have hurt us deeply, we may actually change their hearts. In that case, our enemy has now become our friend.  What would qualify as “hot coals?” A kind word, a phone call, a brief note, a meal, a small gift, running an errand . . . The list is endless, because “hot coals” refers to any act of kindness you do for an enemy. Your only limit is your creativity.

The selfish side of me wants to cause pain to those who have hurt me.  I am tempted to complain about them to others, to think of ways I can get back at them, or to just simply treat them the way they have treated me.  All of these options bring about more pain, frustration, and distance.  It leads to anxiety, stress, and destruction.

Love brings about healing, peace, and restored relationships.  It shows others that with Christ all things are possible.  Love shows that you love others more than yourself and that you are willing to let go of your pride in order to show love to someone that probably really needs it.  Love can turn an enemy into a friend and can bring hurting people to their knees in repentance.

God's word says this:  "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Nothing we have done or could do in the future can ever separate us from the love that God has for us.  Why then do I let other's actions effect the love I have for them?  Nothing they do should keep me from loving them.  I know I have done things to hurt others at times.  It means a lot to me when they love me through my selfish behavior or forgive me when I don't deserve it.  When someone shows me kindness even though I have hurt them it melts my heart and makes me want to do something extra special for them.  

I want to love that way.  I have a long way to go but little by little my heart is changing and God is teaching me how to love the way He does.  I am going to try really hard to take these matters of the heart to God instead of complaining about them to others, I am going to try to see past the hurtful actions of others and look deeper into their hurting hearts.  I am also going to try really hard not to hurt others with my words, actions, or complaints.  Think before I speak, listen more than I talk, find the good in other's, admit when I am wrong, realize no one is perfect, and most importantly LOVE!!! Love unconditionally expecting nothing in return.  Love because it's what makes the world go round :)  

The Goodbye

No matter how many times I have to say goodbye to my kids, it never gets easier.

It's been over three years since I started saying "goodbye" to them every week.  Having six kids can be crazy.  There are days that you want to pull your hair out and days that you count the minutes until bedtime.  Sometimes I even look forward to Monday b/c that means it will be just me and Brian.

The funny thing is that every time Monday rolls around I start to feel sad and instead of counting the minutes until bedtime I start counting the days until I will see them again.  I start missing them the minute they walk out the door.

This morning I drove Hannah and Hudson to Kenneth's house to drop them off for an 11 day vacation.  I found myself driving slowly so I could make sure to tell them to have a great trip, remind them that I love them, and that we will see each other again very soon.  I gave them a big "it's a happy day" smile and then got in my car and started to cry. 

I remember telling myself three years ago that some day this would get easier.  The kids would get used to this and it would be ok.  The truth is, it never gets easier.  Parents weren't meant to say goodbye to their kids on a weekly basis.  Kids weren't meant to live in two houses.  I want them to live with me all the time.  I don't want them to go on vacation without me.  Goodbye just keeps getting harder. 

I am incredibly blessed, don't get me wrong, I have an amazing husband to share my life with and six beautiful children.  Every day I spend with them I fall more and more in love with them and this life God gave me.  That's the thing, the more I fall in love with this sweet family of mine the harder it is to be without them.

They love this family too.  It's hard for me to watch them say goodbye to each other.  This morning Leo gave Hudson a great big hug and told him he would "miss him so much".  On the way home Leo said  "I wish we could all be together all the time".  I replied "Me too buddy, Me too".  They are best friends.  One set of kids goes one way and the other set goes the other.  They give hugs and kisses, goodbyes and I love you's, and we drop them off.  We then come home to an empty house (which is what I want sometimes) and then it sets in - This house is too empty, too quiet, too clean - Bring back the noise, the mess, and the crazy life I love!!!!

I am thankful that I have Brian.  He makes the days without the kids easier.  I love him so much.  He is such a blessing to me and I don't think I will ever be able to thank God enough for such an unexpected gift.  He encourages me, lifts me up, and makes me laugh.  He has so much grace with me.  He is my best friend. 

Ok now I have to pick myself up, say goodbye to Brian (b/c he has to go to work), and prepare for total silence. . . . . .ok enough silence :)  Time to turn some worship music on and get this house clean - lol. 

Thanks for following my journey :) 

Happy Valentines Day Brian - I love you!!!

I wanted to write a post and publicly declare my love for Brian Joseph Wheeler :)

Thank you for making me feel loved.  Not just today but everyday. 

There was a time when I wondered if I would ever feel love again.  I loved God, my family, and my kids.  I just wasn't sure if I would ever be in love again. 

Did I tell you that God is the ultimate match maker?  I knew I wasn't one to join a dating site or even look for love for that matter.  I had two kids to love and to love me back.  I also had a beautiful relationship with the one that created me.  God was (and still is) number one in my heart.

He (God) knew of a guy that loved Him too.  A guy that happened to have a story similar to mine.  A guy that happened to have four cute boys and a wonderful passion for life.  A guy that loved others more than himself.  A guy that I would soon meet but never saw coming :)

It all started at a bible study.  Go back to our very first post to read the story :)  Anyway, I was told about a bible study at Kingsway, I decided to go, A very sweet guy was teaching the class, He caught my attention because of His love for God, I caught his attention for the same reason, We ended up becoming friends. . . . .the rest is history.  A million things had to happen to make us find each other.  Nothing is impossible with God - nothing!!!

Now I am crazy in love.  I smile all the time.  I laugh everyday.  I am married to prince charming.  I have six kiddos that I love dearly.  I am happy.  I am loved.  I am in love.  I have a crush on my husband - A serious crush!!

You never know what life will bring.  One Valentine's day you are sitting alone eating pink pancakes with your kids.  You never imagine at that time that you will meet a wonderful guy and be swept off your feet.  You don't realize that your life will be richer than you ever imagined or that you will have someone to share your life with that makes your heart skip a beat (every single day!).  You have no idea that God loves you so much that he will hand pick the perfect person for you and completely turn your life around.

God is so good.  He loves us all.  He loves the least, the lost, and the lonely.  When you feel alone He is there to bring you comfort and to dry your tears.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  He loves us in our imperfections.  He loves us even when it seems that no one else does.  God is Love :)

Happy Valentines Day!!!

It has been a while since I have posted anything here.  Mainly because our life is full and I just haven't taken the time to sit down and blog for a while.

It has been a little over a year now that I have been married to the most amazing guy in the world :)  In one year we have made beautiful strides in our life together.  The kids have gelled so well.  It feels like we have been a part of each others life for a very long time.  I barely remember the days when it was just me and Hannah and Hudson.  It seems like a lifetime ago.

This year has been fun, challenging, crazy, beautiful, and busy!!  Raising six kids in a broken world can be challenging.  Our kids know first hand what brokenness feels like.  They also know what it looks like for God to take the broken pieces and make them into a beautiful new creation.  Living in two worlds can be difficult for them (and for us) but it gives us opportunities to teach them how to make good choices no matter where they are and to "put on" love in all circumstances.  They are discovering that a home isn't made up of walls and decorations but it's made up of people that love them.  We know it's not always easy for the kids to go back and forth and to have to adjust to different environments.  To be honest, it isn't easy for us either.  There are plenty of times that I have dropped them off and they have begged to stay (not because they don't love their other homes) but because the transition is hard at times.  I keep it together until we pull away and then I lose it :(   Saying goodbye to your kids every week can tug at your heart strings.

With that said, God has done amazing things through the power of LOVE this year.  Our relationships with our ex-spouses have been positive and encouraging.  I can still be selfish at times and even insecure.  Sometimes I want my way or I get tempted to dwell on the past.  Praise God that these feelings have diminished because of love.  God has put on my heart (and Brians) to show love in all circumstances and to put aside our selfish nature in order to fight this battle not with anger, bitterness, and hatred but with love, grace, and compassion.  I can honestly say that I love our exes and look forward to building on what God has already accomplished this year in our hearts and theirs. 

Here is a picture of what God has done through love this year.  Jessica has welcomed Hannah and Hudson into her heart.  She has invited them to go swimming, to play at her house with the boys, and to show them affection when we are together.  Kenneth and Angela have invited Jessica and the boys to go bowling and other activities this year.  Yes, it's true!!  Our ex-spouses are building relationship as well which is showing our kids so much love.  It's no longer two separate worlds but our worlds are starting to collide in a wonderful way.  Last week after Hannah's basketball game we stayed late and Brian, Kenneth, Tristan (Angela's son), Hannah and Hudson played basketball together while Angela and I sat and had girl talk.  I can see myself having a wonderful friendship with both Angela and Jessica in the future.  God is so good!!!

Of course, I have also learned a great deal about LOVE through the most loving man I know.  Brian has such a loving heart.  He seriously makes me feel so loved and cherished everyday.  He has shown me that love is a choice.  He is always positive.  He takes care of me.  He makes me feel like everything will be ok (no matter what) and he knows just how to cheer me up when I am feeling out of sorts.  I can be cranky, selfish, and even rude at times when I am having a bad day.  Instead of avoiding me and telling me I am being selfish he puts on love instead.  He will put everything aside just to make my day better.  I don't deserve him.  I truly don't!!  I thank God daily for bringing him into my life and for giving me someone that makes me feel cherished and loved every day.  If the saying is true "You become like those you spend the most time with" I am one blessed girl!!

Can I tell you another beautiful thing?  I am so proud of all six of my children.  I seriously love telling people that I have six kids.  They can drive me crazy at times and the noise level can be outright insane but I am so incredibly blessed.  They are so different and unique.  They keep me on my toes both physically and spiritually.  We have a big job :)  Raising six kids to love others more than themselves, teaching our boys how to stand up for what is right and to be boys of God rather than of the world.  Teaching our girl about purity and what God's design for love looks like.  How to dismiss the unkind words girls can say to you when you are only in third grade and how to find your self worth in God and Him alone.  I know raising our kids is the most important job God has entrusted us with.  They are the future :)

Oh there is so much I could tell you about this past year.  About our businesses, our new house, our church etc... God has done so much and I want to tell you about all of it!!!  I guess I will have to blog more often :)

Love you,

Loree

Happy 4th Birthday Leo :)

Leo,

It's hard to believe I met you when you were only two years old.  Of course you weren't the typical two year old.  You were talking in full sentences, keeping up with your older brothers, and sharp as a tack :) 

You have grown so much in just one year.  You started preschool this year.  All of the kids in your class love you.  When I bring you in the door everyone yells "Leo is here!!!!"  It always makes you smile.  You have your own backpack and lunch box like your brothers and sister.  You can write your name now and you are learning your letters.

We ditched your tricycle for a real bike this year.  You are still riding with training wheels but you are able to ride to the park with us and keep up instead of riding in the bike trailer.

Your best friend is your brother Hudson.  You guys are two peas in a pod.  Hudson is slightly frustrated that you are in the same size clothes as him and that you are wearing a size bigger than him in shoes :)  He reminds you often that he is still taller than you (but that won't last long).   The two of you love to play legos, jump on the trampoline, play games, and wrestle.  Hudson is usually in tears when the two of you have to leave each other.  It makes my heart happy to see the two of you together.

Lets see . . . . your favorite food is pizza.  You also love chocolate ice-cream, milkshakes, and pasta :)  You love to build things with blocks and you are amazing at putting puzzles together.

I think you have to be the smartest four year old on the planet.  You say that funniest, most intelligent things for your age.  Daddy and I always get a laugh out of the big words and ideas that come out of your mouth.

For your birthday we went to the Abe Martin Lodge in Brown County.  You rode a pony, hiked the trails, and swam at the water park.  We had a family party at our house as well.  MeMe got you a 10ft puzzle, Great Grandpa Jack gave you money, Auntie Anna and Uncle Jerry gave you money and candy, Papaw and Pamaw got you Lincoln Logs and books, and Mommy and Daddy got you a leap frog computer and moon dough :)  You also got several gifts in the mail.  MeMe and Dah sent you money and so did Grandpa/Grandma Ziegler.  You had a great birthday.  Oh yeah, Hudson wrapped up a book of his (your favorite) and gave it to you for your birthday :)

I love you so much and I am so happy to have you as my son.  I look forward to watching you grow and seeing God's plan for your life unfold.  You love bible stories, singing, and talking about God.  I am so proud of you.

Happy Birthday Leo!!!  Love, Mom

Fear

I think God is trying to teach me some things about fear.  About where fear comes from and the truth about fear. 

In church this morning our pastor talked about fear.  He talked about times of crisis in our life and how times of crisis can bring us closer to God.

I like the world around me to be in perfect peace.  I want everyone to get along.  I want everyone to feel loved and to love others.

I have been struggling with some situations in my life that keep me from feeling that peace in my heart.  Words can hurt.  As much as I want to be super-human and pretend that nothing bothers me, nothing can get me down, and nothing can shake me, the truth is I am human and sometimes I hurt.

Fear comes when a situation is out of my control.  I can't change other people.  I can't make them love me or make them see things God's way.  God has brought quite a few situations to my life right now that are requiring me to trust God to bring me the peace I need.  I have been struggling with this b/c I want all things to be in harmony with each other. 

I have been hurt by the words and attitudes of others.  My first reaction (in my heart) is to be upset, to think of all the things I want to say to defend myself, and to make the other person see how they have hurt me and others with their words.  I want justice. 

Then, through a sermon, scripture or even a friend,  God gently reminds me of His truth and His desire to use all of these situations to bring me closer to Him, to develop the ability to love others when they don't show love to me, and to give the situation over to Him without requiring an apology or anything else on the other persons part.

Luke 6:32 says "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them."  Isn't that the truth!  God is providing me with opportunities to love those that are doing wrong by me.  He wants me to show them love by forgiving them.  He wants to show them His love by having me respond to hurtful words with kindness.  It is so much easier said than done!!  God is really stretching me right now.  Loving people that love you does not require God.  Loving people that are unkind to you most definitely requires God.  This is where my faith is tested.  Who do I love?  With whom do I put my trust?  Who is my defender?  If the answer is God (which it is) then I need to rely on Him to help me do what's right, good, and just.

Luke 6:27 “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you."  I am realizing that it's still not enough to just love my enemies (or those that may hurt me) but God also says to pray for them and to bless them.  On top of that He says to do all of this expecting nothing in return.

This is where I fail.  I start to think that if I do what is right and I "turn the other cheek" or give a blessing etc.. that this will surely prompt the other person to respond in kindness, to see their wrong doing, and to desire reconciliation.  God is teaching me that He is requiring me to do my part and that's the end of the story.  I am not to do things in order to receive a certain outcome from the other person.  I am to act rightly expecting nothing in return.  Wow!!  This really goes against what the world teaches us.  The truth is when I start to live into this I start to feel peace that passes all understanding.  I start to feel free instead of weighed down.  When I act in love expecting nothing in return I end up feeling loved all the more.  God is so cool like that :)  His word is true and I can depend on it.  It feels good to let things go, to not react based on someones actions but on truth alone.  It's freeing!!!

 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline"  The truth is that fear does not come from God.  I don't want to live in fear.  Fear of what others think of me, fear of how others may hurt me, fear of standing up for what is right, fear of acting in love and being rejected.  I don't want fear to rule my decisions, my actions, and my life.  I want the power of God to rule in my heart and I want the love of God to be what controls my decisions, my actions, and my life.  He gives us the power to love :)

So now I need to turn truth into action.  I am going to try really hard (with God leading me) to love those that are hard to love, to pray for those that oppose me, to do good to everyone, and to let God's truth lead me.  I am not going to let fear lead me but only the power of the spirit inside me.

Thank you God for loving me enough to give me opportunities to grow into the woman you want me to be.  Please help me to see trials as opportunities for my heart to be transformed and molded into your likeness.

I love you!!!

Happy Birthday Brian (A.K.A. Super husband!!!)

Brian,

Happy Birthday to the love of my life.  I have a million thoughts running through my head right now.  They all have to do with how much I love you, how I think you are amazing, and how much richer my life has been with you in it.

You are my best friend.  You "get" me :)  We finish each others thoughts, sentences, songs, and jokes.  We should live really long lives because we laugh every day.  If I could spend time with anyone on the planet it would be you.  You make me feel special, loved, and beautiful.  I am your princess and you are my prince :) Sometimes I really do feel like I am living a fairy tale. 

Every morning I wake up to you telling me I am beautiful and that you adore me.  You take care of me and treat me like a queen.  You do most of the cooking (because you want to).  You love to clean the house when I go out just so you can surprise me and help me out.  When you go to the grocery you often bring me flowers just to be sweet.  You watch the kids (all six of them) and tell me to go have fun with my girlfriends and family.  I don't think I have ever seen you stressed out.  I never hear you complain and you see the best in everyone. 

I think you are the smartest guy in the world.  You don't even watch t.v. but you seem to know everything that is going on in the world.  Most of the time I have no idea what you are talking about when it comes to money, politics and world affairs.  Just this morning you explained the value of gold to me (how money used to be backed by gold etc..) When you talk to others I am always thinking in my head "That's my husband, the smartest guy on the planet" :)  You have started a business from the ground up and have invited others to join this venture of yours.  You want others to have the ability to spend more time with their kids and families like you do. You work hard.  I don't know how you balance it all but somehow you make me and the kids feel like we are the most important people in your life and yet still run a successful and growing business. 

Ok. . . this section is definitely going to bring me to tears.  It's about the dad that you are.  I have never met anyone that connects with their kids the way you do.  The kids have the day off school tomorrow and you are already thinking of how you can make the day special.  You told me that you wanted to hang a sign on the door so that when they come home tomorrow they will read "Come find daddy and then enjoy a day of games with daddy".  You will have each kid find you (while you hide for each one) and then spend the day playing games with them.  You planned your work week around this!!!  From the moment you met my kids you treated them like your own.  Hannah holds your heart as your only daughter.  No matter how feisty she is you love her all the more.  Every night she asks you to come in her room and sit on her bed so she can have a "daddy-daughter" talk with you.  You two talk about everything under the sun.  In a few weeks you are taking her to a daddy-daughter retreat at Springhill Christian Camp.  You are sooo excited about this.  It makes my heart happy.  She is crazy about you.  Hudson was afraid to let his guard down and let another person in his life.  You take the time to play one on one with him, you tell him how proud you are of him, and you treat him just like the other boys.  You talk about life with all of the kids.  You spend time teaching them and connecting with them.  You play games with them, tell them stories, make music videos with them :), and tuck each one of them in and pray over each one of them every night.  Basically, you rock the socks off the daddy role :)  When your life fell apart you were the glue that held your boys together.  You reminded them of God's unfailing love and of your love for them.  You put your life and business on hold in order to keep their life going.  You taught them that love has no boundaries.  You taught them about forgiveness, love, and hope.  Oh how I love you!!!

Everything in life is better with you in it.  I am so blessed to call you my husband and best friend.  I am madly in love with the smartest, best looking, funniest, sweetest, kindest, and most genuine man on the planet :)  Your love for God and for others has greatly impacted my life.  I will never be the same.

Happy Birthday Handsome :)  I love you!!!!   

Happy Birthday Luke!!!

Dear Luke,

You are turning 8 today!!  This is the second birthday we have celebrated together :) 

You are silly, a little bit of a dare-devil, and super smart!!!  Daddy and I say you are the one that kind of falls under the radar a bit.  You typically just go with the flow.  Your brother, Hudson, is crazy about you.  The two of you spend hours playing legos, dart guns, and ninja's. 

Your favorite color is yellow.  You love to climb on things (anything!!).  I am often telling you not to climb up the outside of the stairs or to stop jumping on the furniture - lol.  Your a little monkey :)

We were excited to hear from your teacher that you are very, very smart.  She has no doubt that you will be in the high ability class next year.  It's funny b/c you don't talk about school much or do any school work at home.  We had no idea that you were off the charts in smarts!!  Your daddy and I are very proud of you.

You share a room with your two younger brothers (Hudson and Leo).  You never want to sleep on the top bunk b/c you prefer to sleep with one of your brothers every night :)  You also sleep with your pillow pet and dog :)

I think you are a sweetie.  At bedtime you often thank God for bringing your dad and I together.  Every night you want big hugs and kisses.  You will not go to sleep without them :)  You tell me often that you love me.  It really makes my day.

You are playing tackle football this year.  You are on the line!!!  We aren't sure why b/c you have daddy's build (long and lean).  You are tough but we think you might be better as a running back :)  You are a little taller than your older sister Hannah and weigh a little more as well.  The two of you are only six months apart in age.  She really loves hanging out with you!!  She even wrapped a present for you and made you a sweet card for your birthday (she did this all on her own).

For your birthday we had a family party at Frost Bite.  MeMe and Kevin, Papaw and Pamaw, Auntie Anna and Jerry, and Me and daddy were all there.  You got some nerf guns, a disk gun, money, a cool bank, and some other fun stuff.  The morning of your birthday I bought donuts for everyone and put a candle in yours :)  You got a kick out it.  On Friday we had a party along with your mom Jess at Chuckie Cheese.  You invited your class and your football team.  There were around 20 kids at the party.  You had a blast!!! 

I love you so much and I am so blessed to call you my son :)  Happy 8th Birthday Luke!!!

Love, 

Mom

Blended

For some reason the term "blended family" came to my mind this morning.  I started thinking about what the term "blended" means.  The definition of blended is this:  To combine or mix so that the constituent parts are indistinguishable from one another.  Hmmm, very interesting and very cool. 

As I look around and see families that are supposed to be "blended" I realized that I see more families that are sitting in the blender with all of their separate ingredients than ones that are truly blended.  Maybe they are afraid that being "blended" will hurt.  It would mean giving up some of your own identity.  It would mean accepting all the other ingredients.  You can't blend some parts and leave others out.  It's all or nothing. 

Seems funny but I started to imagine putting all sorts of fruit in a blender along with lots of ice.  Each ingredient is visible and separate before you blend it.  Each ingredient is good on its own but it's so much better when you blend them together to make a smoothie :)  I then thought about the sound the blender makes when it crushes the ice and blends the fruit.  It makes a loud sound as it crushes everything.  The parts are being crushed and smoothed out.  In the end you have a delicious drink and you can't tell which part is a strawberry or which part is a blueberry.  They are one.

A blended family should be this way.  You all come into it with different life stories.  You bring your hurts, your passions, your joys, your everything :) with you.  At first it is obvious which kids are are yours and which ones are his.  In the beginning you realize that you have one set of rules and he has another.  You may realize that your kids sleep with blankies, prefer the light on, and want to sleep in the same bed as their parent (Ha ha - I am sure you could guess who's kids these were) while his kids sleep without blankies, don't want the lights on, and love to have the door shut :)  At first it was hard to be affectionate with someone else's kids.  I loved them but I hadn't raised them.  In the beginning we were all separate parts to one equation. 

In time we started to blend.  The actual blending process can hurt a bit (think about the blender).  It looks messy at times and it can even be painful.  You may even feel crushed at times.  When it's over you realize you have become something beautiful.  One day you realize that no one can tell which kids are yours or which kids are his.  People start to tell you that your son looks like you (and you grin on the inside) or that your daughter looks just like her daddy (He grins from ear to ear on the outside and inside- lol).  Pretty soon you turn the lights out and realize that all the kids are sleeping without blankies, with the lights out and doors shut :)  Kids are in their own beds and they like it (and so do you).

A few months after that you realize that you are giving out hugs like water and that you are starting to love all the kids the same.  You get offended when people ask which kids are yours and which ones are his.  There are no his and hers.  They are "ours".

One day you smile inside because people start seeing you as a family of eight and they have no idea that you haven't always been this way.  All they see is a "blended" family.  They don't see the differences.  They see one unit.  The parts look the same.  You remember what it took to get here and you realize it was all worth it.  You start to forget what your life of three used to look like and your life of eight is all you can think about.

If you are sitting in the blender worried about being hurt, take it from me the pain is worth the gain :)  Give hugs out like water.  Tell your kids (yours and his) that you love them like crazy.  Do special things with each of them.  Remind them of how rich your life is with them in it. 

" See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."   ~Isaiah 43:19

Amen and Amen :)  Thank you God!!!

Happy Birthday to my Huddy Bear (Hudson Malakai)

Dear Hudson,

I can't believe you are turning six today.  Six years ago today you came into this world weighing in at 5lbs and 14oz.  You are now 36lbs!!!

You will start Kindergarten one week from today.  I have a feeling there will be some tears on my part.  I am so used to having you here with me.  I will miss the "mommy build blocks with me" and "mommy what will we do together today?".  We've had a lot of good times you and I :)  Now it's "Mommy can I ride the bus" and "Mommy can I bring my lunch to school".  The days just won't be the same without you :(  So I am now down to one (Leo) during the day.  Leo won't be allowed to attend school - ha ha!!!

At six years old you can ride your bike faster than any kid in the neighborhood.  You can swim and jump off the diving board with ease.  You love football (you had your first flag football practice last night).  Everyone says that you are "small but mighty".  We are amazed at how coordinated you are at baseball, soccer, football and just about everything you try.

I love your smile.  It brings great joy to my heart.  You are easy going, sweet, full of laughter, and a joy to be around.  You are sensitive and can get your feelings hurt if someone leaves you out or doesn't treat you fairly.  You are also giving.  I remember taking you to some garage sales this year.  You spent all of your money buying things for your siblings.  Everyone thought you were so sweet.

When I asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up you said "A Zoo-Keeper".  I am not surprised b/c you LOVE animals!!!  Your favorite animal is a cheetah.  You love to watch the animal channel and you are friends with every dog and cat on the block - lol.

This year has brought four new brothers and another dad to your life.  You love all of them dearly and they love you right back :)  I know the five of you (brothers) will be best friends for life.  You stick together like glue!!  Leo looks up to you and wants to be just like you :)

I am sure it's obvious to see . . . .I am crazy about you!!!  I love you to the moon and back - and more than that!!!

Love you,  Mom