Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The honeymoon stage and my thoughts on a blended family

I have gotten behind on blogging.  Mainly because I have been busy living life :)  I do want to keep up on this though.  This is my journal of sorts for my family.  I will have our blog printed in book form each year so we can look back on all the fun we have had as a family.

Brian and I have been married for a little over 9 months now.  I find myself looking at Brian and wondering how in the world I ended up with such an amazing man.  I love him more and more each day.  People probably get tired of all the affection we show each other but I can't keep my hands or eyes off him :)  He is my best friend.  I know people call this the "honeymoon" stage of marriage but I really don't see it ending anytime soon.  He has the same sense of humor that I do (which is rare - lol), He tells me I am beautiful and cherished every day.  He takes care of me and loves me in a way I have never experienced.  He is the real thing.  I think I will be pinching myself for a long time :)

Our kids have done amazingly well with their new life and family.  All kids want to see their parents in love and all kids want to be part of a family.  Our kids life fell apart for a few years.  They didn't see God's example of marriage lived out and they certainly didn't feel like they were part of a loving family for a while.  Although we loved and encouraged them in their faith they still longed for security, stability and family.

I have seen each of our kids come to life over the past nine months.  They love to see Brian and I loving each other and encouraging one another.  I tell the boys all the time that they have the smartest, best looking, most amazing dad in the world.  They beam with pride :)  We dance, sing, and laugh in front of the kids and they just eat it up.  Almost every night one of the kids thanks God for bringing Brian and I together during prayer time.  It melts my heart.  I am tearing up now just thinking about it.  I told the kids last week that I had a huge crush on someone.  They all rolled their eyes and said "We know it's Dad!!!"  Well it's true I have huge crush on their daddy :)

Many of you have asked "How do you do it?"  "How have you made the transition so easy and how have the kids gelled so well?"  The answer is Love.  Brian and I have loved our ex-spouses and have vowed never to talk negative of them.  We constantly lift them up in our kids eyes.  We reassure them that we are all in this together and that we are not in competition with them.  We let the little things remain little things and try not to get caught up in things that don't matter.  Too many people hurt themselves and their kids by talking negative of their ex's or by living in anger, resentment, and bitterness.  We love Jessica and Kenneth - period.  Beyond that we also love our kids.  I love Brian's boys as my own.  He loves Hannah and Hudson the same.

Is it easy to love kids that you haven't raised from day one and that haven't known you since birth?  It can be difficult in the beginning to love and be loved.  I remember feeling like a bit of an outsider in the beginning.  The boys had a lot of pain in their heart and they weren't going to let someone in right away.  Even though I felt rejected at times I still chose to love them anyway.  I tried to talk with them about what they were feeling in their hearts and reassure them of my love for their dad and for them.  All of the kids would have wanted their mom and dad to stay together and live happily ever after.  Each one of them was dealing with the loss of the life they once knew.  We understood their pain (we felt it too).  Each day we pressed on in love and slowly but surely their hearts began to open.  They wanted to be loved.  They were longing for this type of affection.

I remember people coming up to me that I hadn't met to tell me that they noticed a huge difference in Gabe.  He was happy again.  He was a different kid.  Hannah was the same.  People would say that they noticed Hannah light up in a way they hadn't seen for a while.  The kids started bonding and they started loving.  It can be scary and you have to be willing to be vulnerable in order to make a blended family work.  You may have to get outside of your comfort zone a bit.  In the end, it's all worth it!!!  I now have six kids that call me mom and I call them my kids.  I haven't replaced their mom and Brian hasn't replaced Hannah and Hudson's dad.  We have given them a mom and dad here in this home that can comfort, protect, love, and encourage them while they are with us.  We have given them a family.  They have enough love to go around and so do we :)  The kids wanted to call us their mom and dad.  I think it gives them a sense of unity.  No one wants to feel like an outsider and everyone wants to feel loved.  Their are no favorites in this house and everyone is loved the same.  It makes sense to me that they desired to call us mom and dad b/c it does away with the lines in the sand and says "We are a family and we are all in this together."

Life with six kids isn't always easy; in fact it can be down right crazy at times :)  Our kids fight, they write on the walls, jump on the furniture, have an attitude at times, and can be selfish and rude.  I do A LOT of laundry and we go through an amazing amount of food each week!!  I don't want people to think that our life is perfect but I do want people to know that this life is perfect for us :)  I wouldn't change it for the world.  On top of all the crazy times we share with the kids we also share some of the sweetest moments on the planet.

A year ago my life was good and I was in love with God.  Almost a year later my life has become GREAT!!!  I have six kids to love and to be loved by.  I have a wonderful husband to walk this life out with and I once again have a FAMILY :)  I am truly blessed.

Well I better go  . . .  I have about five loads of laundry to do, the dishes from lunch need to be loaded, and I promised the kids a game of hide-n-seek.

Love you!!!!!!